What to do When You Can't Leap and Want to
Jen wants to quit her job.
But she can’t. She’s trained as a Life Coach and she’s terrified that she’ll go broke if she quits her job. She beats herself up because she can’t work up the courage to leap. She knows that her corporate job is a great one, in a great company, but she doesn’t get to be her true self – kinda artsy, kinda creative, kinda free-spirited, coaching and guiding others. At work she’s buttoned down, reserved and planned. She lives in a never-never land riddled with anxiety, telling herself that she should be quitting and not quitting, getting discouraged with herself and losing faith in her own ability to change her life. She lives for the courses she takes – something that this job gives her the means to pay for.
Sometimes it feels like she is having an affair with life coaching.
It’s her secret love that no one else in her corporate life knows anything about.
I feel so much compassion for Jen and others who are in this predicament. I’ve never been a very good leaper either. I’m not a “leap empty handed into the void” type – much as I wish I was.
It’s easy to justify not-leaping when you don’t know what you want. She thinks that this should be an easy move, now that she has the training - but why isn't it? Here's what you don't figure out for a little while after you do life coach training.
Life Coaching isn't a "thing". It's a skill you use to do a "thing".
Yep, life coaching is a skill, and unfortunately it's one of those skills that people don't know that they need. What that means is that you need to figure out HOW you want to use this skill. And you didn't learn that in your training. You learned how to "coach". I define coaching as facilitating transformation. But that's not a common understanding of the term. Coaching is an unregulated profession, so anyone can define it in any way they choose.
When you finish coach training, you think that you have to put up a website and start creating offers and promoting your services - but the first thing you need to do - before anything is figure out what transformation you are going to specialize in.
What calls YOU?
When you don't know that, leaping is a huge risk. Leaping is a risk even when you know specifically what you are helping people to transform - but when you don't know, you are probably quitting your job because you need a break.
Because it'll take time to figure out what calls and inspires and yearns for you.
Your programmed brain LOVES confusion and overwhelm. It lives for lack of clarity. It knows that if you stay confused, you won't leap and then it can do it's job, keep you safe by keeping everything the same.
I’ve discovered a few things you can do to get unstuck when you want to leap but can’t. Even though I’m talking about moving from a job to a calling here, you can use these same steps if you are stuck in a relationship. They work.
1. Stop pretending that you’re fine in your current situation.
When you pretend that all is well, when it’s not, you use up most of your energy coping. So you get tired. Getting home exhausted after work every night is a signal that you’re depleting your energy and coping with something that you don’t want. It’s not honorable to suffer in silence. You don’t win a prize for enduring. It just means that you don’t permit yourself to follow your desires. Why is that?
Uncover your payoff for staying in something you don’t want. Chances are it’s to feed an ego-based need for status, belonging or acceptance. Ask yourself what your life will feel like if you never make a move.
2. Stop telling yourself that you have to quit your job.
The reality is that you aren’t quitting yet. When you tell yourself that you have to do something and you don’t do it, what happens? You lose faith in your abilities. You start to doubt yourself. Once doubt sets in about your ability to follow-through, it’ll project right into your future plans and get you doubting whether you’ll ever be able to create what you desire.
I’m not saying to pretend that you don’t want to quit your job, just accept that you aren’t quitting it now, and that when you do, you will. Breathe. Some people think that constantly cracking the whip on themselves will help them to get moving. It doesn’t. That’s a myth. It depletes your energy and leaves you stuck in an anxiety loop. Stop beating yourself up.
3. Find your own soul’s purpose and get clear on what you want from your life and why.
If you’ve trained as a coach and want to quit your job but can’t, discover what your own purpose as a coach is.
When you know from a deep place what you want to help people to do, and why you want to do that; when you know that creating your career as a coach honors your soul’s purpose, you’ll have a really good reason to leap.
Love always trumps fear. Finding your calling will neutralize your fear and make it harder to stay in a job that isn’t you, than to leave it.
4. Stop hiding. Bring your genius and your true self to work.
Chances are you want to leap, because you aren’t expressing your true nature. Why not start expressing your true nature right where you are?
I’m not telling you to show up at work with your crystals and tarot cards in birkenstocks and a maxi-dress, but do something different. Have a deeper, honest, conversation about a subject you are passionate about (not work topics) with a colleague that you suspect you might have an affinity with. Create some “real” not just “work” relationships.
Find a small project that you can create (that your company needs) that would allow you to use your gifts and your genius. That’s what I did when I was stuck and wanting to leap. Creating a training program that inspired me and my company needed, helped me to believe I could actually do this thing that I loved. It was a hard sell to management, but it worked…at least briefly. It’s not always possible to do something like this but why not try?
Find some way to express the genius that you have been hiding. BE you!
What you can expect
Here’s my hunch. If you’ve taken the steps above, you’re either about to quit your job, knowing what you will be creating, or you’ve decided to stay in your job because you can create what you desired without leaving.
Either way, you’ve made the leap and you’re unstuck!
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