For the first half of my life my only goal – let me repeat my ONLY goal was to have that ‘to die for’ love. I bought the romantic love myth that all women have been fed.
Nothing else was important. I watched soap operas, read love comics, read romantic novels.
Love was it.
Falling in love was my programmed purpose. Everything I was told made me believe that this was the answer to the question I’d always asked, “Why am I here?”
I decided it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, so I threw myself into a relationship that was doomed to fail. I ached. I agonized. Euphoria. I’d found it. That love that made you sick.
Of course it ended. When it did, I didn’t know what I believed about love.
If love wasn’t a constant ache, an obsession, then what was it?
I discovered the answer when my Dad got diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer. After the diagnosis there was a six-month period where he lived at home as his body started to shut down.
Paradoxically, I’ve never felt more love in my life.
My Dad was a really wise man.
He was calm and centered during his illness.
Each time I walked into our family home I felt the energy of love. It was palpable. It was real.
And that’s when I “got” it.
The only thing that’s real in this life is love.
That’s not romantic love. That is big “L” Love.
Our culture has mixed up romantic love and big “L” Love.
Love is peaceful not panicked.
Your soul’s purpose is to be Love and share and express Love, but that’s not the same thing as finding romantic love.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love the game of romantic love. But I know it's a game not, not my life's purpose. I still watch the Bachelor - but because it's fun and because I love shaking my head at the fact that women are still programmed to believe that finding a husband is their life's purpose.
And I love having a life partner, my husband, and sharing love with him - but I still know that falling in romantic love ISN'T my life's purpose.
When I was with my Dad in his last months on earth, I knew without a shadow of a doubt what Love felt like. I see Love in the ocean, in the snow in the woods in northern Quebec, in music.
Love is everywhere and once you drop that old and outdated programming that being in love is your purpose – then the possibilities for your life are extraordinary.
In fact, what I’ve learned is that doing what you love and expressing love to yourself and others leads to big "L" Love and that is what attracts your right partner.
It turns out that big "L" Love shows up when you are leading a life you love.
So, what’s my advice to you?
....If you are looking for romantic love – stop. ....If you are beating yourself up because you aren’t in love – stop. ....Start doing the thing that makes your heart sing. ....Start seeing and appreciating all the beauty around you. ....Jump in to a project that is driven by your passions – wholeheartedly with both feet. ....Start treating yourself lovingly.
Romantic love will probably show up – without you looking for it and it'll evolve...if you're lucky into big "L" Love.
And even if it doesn’t, you’ll still know that you are being who you came here to be and not some false programmed version of yourself.