Today I’m talking about something that might be in your blind spot – not being seen – especially if you’re a Mom. When being a Mom is really important to you, it can take over everything else in your life. You stay in the background and put your child’s needs first especially if your child is struggling with something.
It’s honorable but it’s easy to feel lost and alone and then pile on guilt because you feel this way. And then it becomes impossible to create something new in your life.
I know this feeling.
My son is grown up now, but I remember these days like they were yesterday. I learned some valuable lessons from that time, that you might need to hear today.
When my son was young, he had some learning difficulties. My heart ached for him. I did everything I could to help him. I searched, found books, followed every thread that I could, and then I found the invisible learning difficulty that he had.
He wasn’t lazy, like his teachers were suggesting. It was quite the opposite, he was working so hard that he was exhausted.
As part of my research, I found brain gym – an innovative practice doing physical exercises that I wanted to try because it might help with his coordination and motor planning. (I’d already tried physio and occupational therapy). So, I found a practitioner, the nearest was 500km away and drove down with my son.
I thought I’d learn all the exercises and then teach him!
When I arrived at the practitioner’s office, she saw my son, and then asked me lots of questions, and she did something I’ll never forget, she turned, looked me directly in the eyes and she said to me, “You try so hard.”
I immediately burst into tears.
She saw me.
And I was exhausted.
And that one statement led me to huge life altering changes.
I’d been trying so hard to be the perfect parent, to do everything I could to help my son succeed. It was a weight I placed upon myself that sat constantly in my heart. When she said “You try so hard,” what I heard inside was “You’re okay. I see you. You’re a good person. You are doing everything you can. You haven’t made a mistake. You’ve got this. I can see how much you love your son.”
And that was a moment of grace.
I needed to be seen, so I could see myself.
I’m telling you this story because there’s magic in really being seen. Being really seen helps you to see your own beauty which is usually directly in your blind spot.
It’s something we completely ignore particularly those of us who are so busy making sure everyone else’s needs are met. Particularly for those of us trying to be good at everything, looking outwards so we meet everybody else’s expectations of us.
No wonder we’re so exhausted for so much of the time.
I’m going to make a bold claim here. I think that if you don’t see yourself you’ll never do what you came here to do.
That’s right. I’m talking about your purpose, the reason you showed up on earth at this time.
Being seen, wasn’t someone telling me what I was gifted at, it was someone reflecting back to me how she saw me, and that helped me to see myself. She saw that all my life force was being directed into my child. And I didn’t realize that until she said it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love, love, love being a mom. I know that it was something I was born for. I never found it a burden – and still don’t – but it wasn’t the only thing that I was born to do.
Being seen helped me see what I had to stop doing.
Here’s what ended up happening.
I realized that I was on a crazy making treadmill of trying to find solutions for my son – and that what he actually needed was for me to get off that treadmill and start seeing him and appreciating him for all that he is – not what I thought he should be.
And I dared to decide to do that.
I identified the fears that had been driving my behaviour and let them go. I dared to decide to focus on LOVE not fear, soul not ego.
I ended up only doing Brain Gym with him briefly, and then we focused on having fun in activity – jumping on the trampoline and that’s when he started playing hockey which became one of his passions. Not only that, I started to really see him….as his own person and not as an extension of me!
And then, unexpectedly, I had the emotional space I needed to claim the soul work that was waiting for me – helping women who have been invisible, want to make a difference in the world, to see themselves and see their dazzling beauty.
All that because someone saw me, and helped me to see myself.
Here’s something you can do:
- Where in my life am I trying really, really hard?
- Who in my life really sees me?
- What can I do to be seen?
Get seen. It’s a powerful, powerful transformational tool.
Until next time!
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